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Red Slime's Place

An inner dialog

My desire is to be largely anonymous and as such, I do not want to say a lot about my identity. My goal in this journal is to explore and expose my inner dialog. Here are some facts about me. I was 51 when this journal was started, and I'm now 56 ('09). I have three children from two marriages, two boys from the first and a daughter from the second. Q is 26, M is 22, and B (sometimes N) is 13. I've left my marriage with X (sometimes K and L) and I am in a relationship with and then I was in a 20 month relationship with C, until that recently ended. The last few years have been up and down as I have struggled through what appears to be an awakening process. I have found the process of writing this journal to be enlivening and helpful on my path. It has also become a bit of an artistic expression for me.

A poem from an entry of a few years back

Cracks in God

Walking on the beach, considering
Considering I can’t remember what
The sand crunching under my feet,
Warm sun on face, arms, the comforting
Sound of waves. Fresh air filling
Nostrils with salt air.
Walking across the nesting ground
Smooth sand in patches several steps
Across, I walk over the mini dunes,
Ripples in the surface. Short green stalks
Hold the ground forming the dunes.
How can life be so tenacious?
I wonder at the prefect-ness of this
At how prefect life is, how can this be?
Accepting this as true, I look anew
Nothing I see is countable nothing is one or two,
But, all is one, there is no me, not bird
No plant, not grain of sand
Just transitions, translating transformations
The eyes see, the sun is warm, nostrils flair
Breathing in the sweet odor of
Life that fills the lungs
It enters here in what I call awake, because
I have not other words.
Awake is too small for that entry
It shows me the perfect whole
In that whole I am a ripple,
A flaw, a crack,
Holding form just as the
Mini-dunes I stride over.
How? How could this be?
Mind throws up possibilities,
The answer is always yes.
Yes, just because,
Yes, experience is wanted
Yes, God said
Yes, God asked.
Yes, desire
Yes, yes, yes.
Maybe, ... its just a crack.